Learning the Ropes

I'm dipping a tentative toe into the blog world with these first few words. I have not always tagged behind people, so this is really rather different for me. However, it's only one part not having the know-how & equal parts wondering if I have anything to say that might be of interest to anyone else besides myself. But then, I guess that really doesn't matter in the grand scheme of things because primarily, I'm doing this for one person anyway, & that's myself. If I can help anyone along the way, that's a bonus. As I peek in & read other blogs I see it all comes down to that end anyway, so here goes! It's cheaper than going into therapy & we really want to stay away from those drugs now, right? Or hey! Worse..."natural supplements". They aren't even regulated. Ephedrine...or Ephedra is a supplement & not considered a drug.

As I ponder & contemplate the things that have occurred to me the last five years, I realized I needed a place that I could lay it all out to examine & analyze it's nuances. So many times when something medically immense has taken place in a person's life, we don't know how to deal with it. Because it's brand new & because it's not usually something we get the chance to practice on, we so often flounder & get it wrong. We are also 'directed' on how to deal with it by others who have no clue how to deal with it themselves, yet feel that they are because they have that medical degree & are armed with all kinds of text books & journals.
Or because they love you, they feel they're expert advisers for you. Right up front I have to say, until you've worn the moccasins, (as the saying goes) stick to suggesting, but don't try to tell me how I feel - or should feel. I already know that. And it's not even close to the way you might imagine.

Five years ago I had an aneurysm. It ruptured. And it was heavy duty! Pre to that, I had been an extremely active person; I ran daily, biked & hiked weekends, climbed mountains twice a year...or as often as I could get to them.


I ate healthy & stayed fit in my own complete home gym. I didn't smoke & rarely drank but for special occasions such as weddings or the holidays. There never seemed to be enough time in my days for the things I wanted to do, but I crammed as much as possible into every 24 hours & loved it that way!
My life was generally full & not complicated with health issues of any kind.

Then May 29th 2001 arrived. I found I wasn't as energetic as I wanted to be in prepping for a busy Memorial weekend. I needed something to keep me going without lagging. I knew with all the things we had planned, that I needed an energy boost. So I bought some Metabolife to balance my metabolism. Yessirree! I was going to get it done. Much the same way Steve Bechler must have felt that day in 2003 as he was getting ready to pitch his game for the Baltimore Orioles. Steve was the 23 year old pitcher who wanted to combat fatigue & decided to try Metabolife to revitalize himself. But like Steve, that wasn't in my future either.

I say "like" Steve, but not quite because Steve died.

At that time, Metabolife contained the Big E. For those who still haven't heard about this wonder herb, that's Ephedrine. The herb that people are trying to get put back on store shelves because they want to 'look good'. Gambling with their own lives for vanity. Russian Roulette for the buff body. All of which could be viewed very prettily laid out in a casket.

I took my first little pill in the morning of that first day, another in the afternoon & pill three before bed. I was feeling pretty good about all this; I was doing something healthy for myself & doing it "naturally" & not paying out money for prescription drugs.
So! In the morning, I took my fourth pill & went outside to do a little gardening. That was the last thing I remember until I 'woke up' in hospital seven weeks later totally paralyzed on the left side. My good fortune & what probably saved my life was that I had two doctors living right next door to me & they were tending their garden as well, when I hit the ground. They made an immediate evaluation & had me medi-vaced to the hospital downtown in eight minutes.

That was to be the first day of my second life. The one where you find out you're incredibly more resilient than you ever thought possible; the one where you find out through sheer determination that you can amaze yourself as well as the medical world. The one where, if you look at things as a challenge instead of a disability, they are surmountable. And the one where you find out who your friends are & sadder, just how very weak your family structure is. Those people who 'love you' were all of a sudden way too busy to call or lend a hand. The ones who will 'try to get around' or if they find the time, they will pick up that item you're needing but can't get yourself. Have they always been that self-involved or have you just been too self-involved yourself to notice? New life; new questions.

Counter that however, with those you never noticed in your life before. They come forward & quietly sustain you as you plod along in your new life. Supportive, helpful, not just given to lip service as surprisingly, family members only seem to manage. These quiet friends are there to bring you out of the hospital for the day & take you for long drives & to a wheelchair-friendly restaurant for lunch. They run the little errands for you that your loved ones are (sic) too busy to run & they sit & listen as you try to figure out what happened in your life literally overnight.

I am learning so many valuable lessons in my second life. Some I wish I hadn't ever needed to learn; others I am eternally grateful for learning. As Maya Angelou so eloquently stated:
"Courage allows the successful woman to fail & learn powerful lessons from the failure...so that in the end, she really hasn't failed at all!"

At any rate...bear with me here...I'm still learning. Now there's this blog thing! ~*wink*~

Six Months of Joy...the life and death of Dalton.

When you adopt a kitten - a little fellow just 2 weeks old, you never expect that you'll be saying goodbye to him in just six short months. But such was the case with our sweet little boy Dalton. It was a half year that will not erase itself very quickly from our hearts, nor will it heal soon. I'd just lost Jake and then Bailey 5 months apart and I was vulnerable, still stinging from those losses.

My friend Debra Lopez was fostering kitties. Debra is a caring, golden hearted soul who is constantly pulling kitties from the shelter to foster them in her home. Dalton, then known as Maestro, was one of her recent young charges. And oh, I fell hard! The tiny face, white snout with glowing pink nose went straight to my heart, embedded itself there and stayed.

 I spoke to Debra about adopting him and the date was set. He was to come and live with us, so we set off weathering one of falls early snow storms October 29, 2011 and brought him home. 

He fitted right in immediately. No hissy fits from the others, no spitting or wide berth...the boys at home were fascinated by their new baby brother, a miniature version of themselves. And Dalton was fascinated with everything else. 
To him the house was huge and needed to be inspected from one corner to the other. The stage was set for a long and happy life. Or so we were lulled into thinking. 

Dalton immediately became my kitty. He was on my lap, or playing on the back of my chair, stuffing his toys behind the cushions or racing up and down the cat tower that stood beside the chair. 

 And if I had to move and go somewhere in the house, he trotted right along beside me. Even the bathroom became a ritual where I had to lift him so he could see himself in the mirror and we would discuss just how amazingly gorgeous he was. He could not get enough of that! 

He quickly learned all the things the others did in the house, good and bad and attacked everything with unbridled love for life. He had a favorite little buddy he carted with him everywhere, a flat little toy we called Earl the Interstate skunk. He took Earl to bed with him like a security blanket and even tried to stuff Earl inside other toys. 
 
Another of his favorite things was what we called the Doormouse. Dalton and the doormouse became his morning romp as I answered emails in the den.

 
When Xmas was approaching we worried about what kind of impact a 12 week old kitten would have on the decorations and the tree. We needn't have worried. He was as good as we could have hoped. He loved the holiday, loved watching the fire in the fireplace and especially loved all the new toys he got from his stocking. 

 It was all so new. Discovery for him was a joy for us to watch too.  He was growing more beautiful with every day. That funny little kitten face was evolving into a beautifully structured cat face, with eyes that could hypnotize you. 
 
So we had character and we had beauty and we had time. No...we didn't. And mercifully, at those times, we did not know it.
 
 The thing that was hidden from all of us then was that Dalton had a genetic flaw. His little body, as strong and beautiful as it was, would soon stop  

producing red blood cells. And without them he would die. So we went about our days, laughing at his every antic. His vets would tell us what a special little fellow he was. He won the hearts of everyone there too. One vet who didn't sign a name even penciled in a note in his file, "The cutest kitten I've ever seen."

I had his pictures sprinkled about the internet in various albums and on You Tube where even there people fell for this little guy we were fortunate enough to share our lives with.  His previous kitty Mom, Debra and I shared him in our hearts and I would give her updates every day on how well he was doing...sending pictures to show he was growing in leaps and bounds and just generally lighting up our lives. The pain of losing Jakey, and then Bailey was diminishing day by day and it was all because of Dalton. Beautiful, sweet Dalton.

So when he became quiet, at first I thought perhaps he was moving into another phase. He was of course maturing, becoming a little man and would soon need to visit the vet and have his operation done. I thought maybe he was quieter because he was growing up. But when that quiet became listless, I grew concerned. My normally super active little guy was wanting to do nothing more than rest. He lost interest in Earl, he didn't really care if treats were being handed out. That was the first real alarm that went off. I could tell myself almost anything else but when my 'kitty kookie vacuum' stopped caring they were being handed out, I knew we were in trouble. So we made an appointment to have him checked out. And found out. 
The first tests came back saying his red blood count was critically low and Dr. Yarnall said we needed to get him over to Critical Care for blood transfusions if we wanted to save his life. This was all moving so fast - too fast! Our uber-healthy baby was going to need a blood transfusion or he would die??? No! No, no!!! Made no sense at all. This wasn't right...the doctor had made some terrible mistake. Either that or this was a nightmare and all I had to do was wake up.
So we took him over to Critical Care and they said to leave him with them and they would do the transfusion - while he was sedated they would also take a bone marrow sample to see why his blood count was so poor. And if he rallied after the first transfusion we could come and take him home. No point in him staying there while they awaited the results of the test. Things seemed to be looking up.

So the first transfusion was done and he rallied...but only for a few hours. So a second one was done with the same results. Our good feeling started to slowly erode with each passing hour.

The next morning, the hammer fell. Straight through my entire being and crushing my heart. Dalton wasn't going to make it. Even if we gave him a transfusion every day for the rest of his life, he still might not live longer than two weeks. His body wasn't able to manufacture red blood cells and he was suffering from lymphoma - cancer. How!???   WHY!???! I am not usually the kind of person to ask these questions, feeling things happen and that's that. But this time I had to. Why did a little animal that enjoyed life so much, have to be given something that was killing him? And why did we have to have him taken away from us? A little guy who delighted us every minute he was here and did not deserve the hand that was dealt him. I know religious people have answers for all this but I'm not religious and right now that is probably a good thing otherwise I'd be struck by a bolt of lighting for the things I'm thinking.

Dalton, I love you so much, baby. That will never ever go away. I hurt with my love for you and I wish with all my heart and fiber you hadn't been taken from us! I loved you more than life right now. Rarely do little ones come along that become our soul mates. I have had three of them in my life. Ben, Jakey and Dalton. All three now gone.

Dalton's ashes join the others in my sad little living room cabinet. I wish I could believe in an afterlife so that I could then picture all my sweet babies playing together for eternity, but for now, I will have to rely on my photos, videos and the millions of happy memories etched into my mind. 

Republican Hypocrisy and other Religious fervor

I have been watching with increased interest, not to mention amazement at the new case brought against Mitt Romney these last few weeks regarding his faith. OMG, he's not even a Christian! (??) Really?

First off, that has to do with what, exactly? Not that I'm in agreement with that statement but merely asking, by a Christians standards what does it matter? Where in the Constitution does it say a politician has to be a Christian? Actually, lest we forget, it says the opposite, but I'll get to that in a moment. Suffice to say that the understanding of the First Amendment essentially says that the government could not support any one church organization.

Yes, the bible was regularly used as a textbook in public schools. And presidents used bible quotes to justify and explain their policies or to bless the country and the people in times of great strive. All presidents did this, not just those who were ardent Christians, like Washington and Adams. Even those presidents like Jefferson and Lincoln, who would certainly not be part of the "religious right" if they were alive today. They did this, not because it was a part of our government and a law of the land, but because it was what they knew many needed to hear.

Mark Twain once said, “If Jesus were alive today, the last thing he’d be is a Christian!” I have to agree. From everything I've seen of Christianity Republican style it would make Jesus weep!

If you at all defined religion or Christianity by the words and actions of Republicans and their base these days, then Twain had it right. Republican’s policy toward children, the poor, the homeless, the needy and the aged runs counter to anything and everything that Jesus taught.

Nor can I find any passage in the bible which says: “Oh all ye faithful: The poor shall sacrifice everything so that the rich may retain their wealth forever more.”

It was Jesus who said, “as you do to the least of these, you do unto me.” What the Republicans say is, "Hey, they need to get a job." Or 'let them die on a gurney if they don't have health insurance.' And for God's sake, don't ask me to look after my brother…I'm not sharing *anything* I have! It's mine. I earned it!"

Why, they'll even cheer the mounting numbers of people put to death by one candidate because Jesus didn't say anything about loving thy brother as thyself and leaving punishment to powers bigger than ourselves, did he? It would appear in this instance anyway that it depends greatly too, on what kind of Christian you are…is this like cults then? I suppose that's a bad joke, but no different than the remark coming from Pastor Robert Jeffress of the First Baptist Dallas megachurch, proclaiming Mormonism a cult!

At any rate, back to execution & rauncheous applause from execution loving folk…'Yeah! Kill the bastard!' Interesting that the three largest Christian denominations in the United States are split on the issue of capital punishment so I guess it depended who was in that audience. The Roman Catholic Church opposes it in virtually all cases; the Southern Baptist Convention approves of it in certain cases; the United Methodist Church opposes it in all cases. Sure glad I'm not a Christian - it's all so very confusing.

But the bigger issue here, is the politicizing of every damn issue imaginable and the tendency from the extreme right to force religion down everyone’s throat, believers and atheists alike. Political orientation is not defined by one’s spirituality. There are atheists who call themselves conservative as well as liberals who are devoutly religious. A mental, thinking persons separation between church and state. If one can make any kind of broad generalization regarding politicians & religion, it is to be made in how they express their beliefs.

Liberals feel no need whatsoever to interject their religious beliefs onto people. Conservative politicians, on the other hand, see religion as a tool to be used as a means for political gain and they work that baby from dawn to dusk. It is precisely this politics of fear that has them, for example, demonizing Muslims and now, in more recent days, the Mormon faith and Mr. Romney. The underlying thinking being, ‘if they’re not one of us (i.e. Christian), they’re against us.”

So how do we decide whether a belief is religious or secular? Hinduism teaches that it is wrong to harm animals. Does this mean that any laws against cruelty to animals are illegitimate? We'd certainly be in trouble with our maker with all those operating slaughter houses. The American Indian religions all involve great respect for nature, and that the Indians took care of their surroundings, the animals within those surroundings and care of the natural environment at large. They may have been different clans and tribes but at least they are all on the same page with this one. So looking at it from a Native Americans point of view does this mean that any laws against environmental pollution are illegitimate?

This brings me back to the beginning and how important it is to keep the division of church and state separate - to show how impossible it is to govern correctly and precisely if you allow religious beliefs to intervene in decision making. Nowhere does our Constitution say that a government official may not have any given set of religious beliefs. On the other hand, it does clearly say, "no Religious Test shall ever be required as a Qualification to any Office or public Trust under the United States." (Article 6, Clause 3). Yes, I looked it up and so can the politicians and voters if they really cared.

To declare that a candidate is unfit for public office because he holds certain religious beliefs is a violation of the plain words of the Constitution. And for those candidates and voters alike who love to quote the bible and the Constitution, please do us all a favor - learn them first, and only then let your brain engage your mouth and speak.